Insanity

I've decided that selling a home is not for me. I think it is slowly leading me to insanity. We have periods of no one looking at our home and then we get a few people. Then, there is the cleaning frenzy. Now, my realtors are really, really good at giving me notice. I usually have a few hours to do it. What is driving me crazy is that the appointments are usually at a time where I'm alone doing the cleaning while trying to get my kids to a) leave me alone, b) stay out of the cleaning products, and c) not mess up what I just cleaned. By the time I'm done, I'm usually close to tears. Why do I do it then? Because I'd like to sell my house and I want it to look spectacular, hoping someone will fall in love with it.
Then there are the appointments. From what I've learned, Salt Lake County agents are just too busy to give any feedback on your house. So, every time someone goes through my home I'm left with hope and anticipation that they will be the one. Just to go days without knowing anything about it. It is such a let down. We've had two people give feedback (out of probably 14), one saying they didn't like how close the houses are and the other didn't like that we had an irregular shaped yard. OK, I can respect that. I am so glad also that they were kind enough to put me out of my misery by letting me know they weren't interested.
I guess part of why I am frustrated is that I felt so strongly that we were supposed to move closer to our families. Now, I'm not so sure if I was right. Maybe I imagined it, maybe it was all me. I don't know and I hope that it gets resolved soon.
So, I'm sitting here today wondering about the people that were here last night. They were here for at least a half hour (we leave, but I know it was that long based on when we tried to come back home to when they actually left). I'm left wondering if they loved the home or if they just were killing time. I'm really not sure how much I can take of this roller coaster ride. I guess I could just sit back and enjoy the ride, even if it does drive me insane.

Trying to Get Going Again

I can't believe I haven't posted anything for four months. I have had occasional things pop into my head that I should blog about, but I sure lacked the motivation to put them down in written form.
There was the time we sold our cradle and I cried because I was having a hard time letting go of that part of my life where I had my newborn babies in there (I've gotten over it, but that was hard). I also have passed on all my kids' clothes they have outgrown. It's time to look forward.
Then, there has been the ups and downs of trying to sell our house. I'm still kind of depressed about the whole thing. Our intentions are good and I prayed about it, feeling like it was the right thing to do. I thought for sure it would sell fast because I felt so good about it. So here we are, nearly two months later and everything is the same. Except for the stress of keeping a house clean with two young kids running around. I just tell myself that we aren't moving so I don't get disappointed when we decide to stay here.
So, I feel I must move forward. I'm signing Zach up for the Spanish Immersion program at the elementary school here. I'm pretty excited about it, I just hope it's a good fit for him. I've agonized about it for awhile and finally decided to do it. He'll be starting Kindergarten this year and I'm really excited about that. It should be interesting because he'll be on year round school.
That's what I can think of tonight. I'm hoping to try to pick different things occasionally just to talk about. I read a couple of blogs and that's basically all they are doing. I started this blog for an outlet for my thoughts (and boy, do I think too much sometimes). I guess I was hoping it would pull things into perspective for me. Here's to me doing better and getting this blog going again.

The Chips Truck

When we are driving home from preschool, I usually try to find things to point out to the kids, especially to keep Sarah awake. Last week, as we passed a grocery store, I pointed a Keebler truck (with one of the Keebler Elves on the side) and called it the Cookie Truck. The kids thought that was fun. Less than a minute later, we were stopped at the light and I noticed a truck with Doritos chips all over it. We were heading straight and it was turning left, to eventually be travelling in the opposite direction of us. I pointed the truck out to the kids, saying it was the Chips Truck. They thought that was even better than the Cookie Truck, maybe because they could see giant pictures of the Doritos chips all over it. The Chips Truck had the right of way and turned left, passing before us and heading the other way. Sarah says to me, "That way! Follow Chips Truck!" I'm not quite sure what purpose she had in mind, but I believe she may have had visions of her getting a large share of Doritos. Luckily, she wasn't too heartbroken when I decided not to give into her scheme.

My Thoughts Tonight

I'm sitting here listening to music Brad has downloaded and I just keep thinking how lucky I am to have him. I realize that sounds strange. Last night we were watching The Office (as you all know, my favorite show) and there was a song at the end that I loved, partially because of the sentiment of the show and partially because I think it's a fun song. Brad figured out the what the song was (I'd never heard it before) and downloaded it for me. He also found the You Tube video that they were talking about in The Office, which was something I was wanting to see also. This and a couple of weeks ago he had downloaded some Richard Marx music (yeah, we are talking old school there) after we had talked about how we both had liked his stuff. I always marvel at how perceptive Brad is and how he goes out of his way to do nice things for me. He even puts up with my rantings about our 2 year old's newest escapades that drove me near the edge that day - even on days when he's had a really bad day himself. I have this philosophy that we should strive to do things for our loved ones all year long, not just on holidays or special occasions when it's expected. I don't like the idea of an obligation. Brad is a huge example to me of that. He is always doing small things for me that make me feel truly loved, even with the small things.
I love you Brad! Thank you for the music and for all the simple things you do to let me know you care.

How I Love My Husband

Today is Brad's birthday and I've been thinking a lot the past few days about how lucky I am to have him. I truly believe he's my soul mate, if there is such a thing. I know we all think our spouses are "the best in the world," so I won't go down that road. However, Brad is the best for me. While we do seem to be on the same wavelength on so many things, we are different in enough ways to balance each other out. Somehow we always seem to meet in the middle and figure things out for the best. I love that about our relationship. He's also a wonderful father and does so much for our kids. I am so thankful to be with him and to live life with him. I thought about writing out all the reasons I love him, but I think that might embarrass him. Although, that would be fun. I've only seen him truly embarrassed once (that I can remember). He is just such a great person and I hope we have many, many, many more birthdays together.

Happy Birthday, Brad! I hope you have a wonderful day.

My Therapy Post

About five months ago I found out that one of my mission companions, someone I consider a friend and who had greatly influenced me in my life, had a brain tumor and was fighting for her life. They had discovered that Julie had the tumor while she was pregnant with her forth child two years ago. I am horrible at keeping in touch with people and it took her wonderful husband to track me down. With all that was going on, Julie wanted to reconnect with all her mission friends. I went to see her in March (I believe) and the changes were apparent. It had affected her body, her speech, and in a way her thought process. But she remembered so much, it was a wonderful visit. Then, a couple of months later I found out that none of the chemotherapy treatments they had tried on her were working, the tumor was still growing. She was given days to weeks to live. I visited her again, this time to say goodbye. It was a wonderful visit, but it brought sadness to my heart. She wasn't the same as I knew her yet she would remember some remarkable things. I will forever be thankful I saw her then. It would be the last time I would see her. Julie passed away today, she was only 36 - one year older than me.
I will never forget Julie, she was a big influence on my life. I had only been "in the field" for one month when she came to be my companion. She taught me so much about the practical side of missionary work - how to teach, the language, culture, rules, and how to work hard. She also taught me things to help me in life - charity, love, faith, hope, and so many others. She was my mentor and my friend. She showed love to all those around her. We were together for two months and then she went home, it was the end of her mission. I was lucky enough to get home from my mission just a week or so before she got married and was able to go to her wedding.
Long after we got home and keep in touch occasionally, I asked her to be a reference for me while Brad and I were trying to adopt. I knew that she would say what needed to be said to make sure that we were seen for who we were. I trusted and respected her. She was truly a wonderful person who loved all those around her. I know that she has touched so many lives, not just my own.
Now I morn her loss. I feel for her family. She has a wonderful husband who did anything in his power to make her happy in her last days. She has four beautiful children, the youngest is going to be two in a couple of weeks and probably won't remember his mother. I can only imagine what they have been through. My heart aches for them, but I am thankful for the knowledge of eternal families and what happens on the other side. Julie will be doing a great work, just not here on earth. She is also now with her mother who passed away a few months after Julie returned from her mission. I try to hold onto the good thoughts of that reunion and how Julie is free of any pain or discomfort. I also am lucky to have so many wonderful memories of her and to know she was a part of my life.

Who is Who?

My mom found a baby picture of me that we think looks a lot like how Sarah looks now. I'm posting that picture (I was 18 months old in it) and a picture of Sarah from about the same age. What do you think? Here they both are.